Joke Thread

[richard wysong]

On 2/8/2025 at 5:26 PM, MaverickZ71 said:

 

[richard wysong]

I guess Maverick was serious when he said he was all done

[customboss]

Ever feel you’re being watched???

[diyer2]

 

[Donstar]

Aging- The Better of Two Options

 

 1.    Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.    

 2.     If you can't think of a word, just say, “I forgot the English word for it”.  That  way people will think you are bilingual instead of an idiot.  

 3.     I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.   

 4.    My goal for this year was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.  

 5.    I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. 

 6.    Senility has been a smooth transition for me. 

 7.    I may not be that funny, athletic, good-looking, smart, or talented but … I forgot where I was going with this.  

 8.   I love being old, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.  

 9.   A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money,  so I got up and searched with him.  

10.   I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day. 

11.   Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.   

12.   Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.  

13.   It's weird being the same age as old people.  

14.   When I was a kid, I wanted to be older . . . this is not what I expected.   

15.   Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter either.  

16.   It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.  

17.   Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? 

       Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.  

18.   Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.   So remember . . .  Don't sing!  

19.   I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.  

20.   So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?   

21.   I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not  dead yet.  

22.  You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to stand back up.  

23.   We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. Anyway, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

[Grumpy Bear]

54 minutes ago, Donstar said:

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? 

       Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers. 

 

No! Really? My wife sells flowers? 

[txab]

[txab]

[txab]

 

Here's what they found in Ft. Knox

Edited March 6, 2025 by txab

[txab]

[txab]

[txab]

[richard wysong]

14 minutes ago, txab said:

 

Here's what they found in Ft. Knox

Saw $11 a dozen today

[customboss]

1 minute ago, richard wysong said:

Saw $11 a dozen today

$8-$9 in Alamosa CO 

[txab]

A week ago I bought 6 dozen @ $3.99 per dozen. Still plenty of time on the use before date. Don't know why they were so cheap. Wally sells @ $5 something