Navigating senior years.

Grumpy Bear · February 6

I can't say what day it occurred to me that my parents were quite human. Far to late to be of use to my own children or even the the grandchildren. No one can teach what they themselves do not know. I for one was a horrible parent.

Oh I took care of business. Everyone went to school and I helped when I could. Everyone ate well, dressed and groomed neatly. Everyone lived in a warm house. I taught both the boys and girls what had been passed down to me plus what I'd learned along the way in the survival skills and those other skills we judge others by. Don't be a bum. Mow your yard, shine your shoes and so on and so forth. I was adamite about manors much like my mother was. Better to get a D in English that bad Social Skills marks. I limited corporal punishment but did not shy from it when required. I thought I was doing quite well. I'm sure my parents did as well.

But I made the same mistakes my parents, grand parents and great grands did. The EXACT same mistakes. I just made them differently and convinced myself I was doing better. And I learned a few new ones (to me) I think my forefathers missed.

To share but one. I taught my kids the 'Buck stops here"! Meaning me. Problem with that is it doesn't. It stops with our maker. My attitude in insisting "I alone set the and all standards for behavior and morality" thus rejecting my makers standards gave them permission to reject mine. Something that has been passed down in the family home for generations that is quite driven by our worship. I was just the biggest dog in the junkyard.

I didn't out right reject everything and humans are in fact and deed divinely hardwired for a basic moral code. Fortunately they survived the experience of being raised by a Grumpy Ole Bear. Materially they even flourished. Spiritually and emotionally...jury is out.

I think my strongest positive is that I am quite free with the kids about all of this. I don't justify or rationalize the past (anymore) and I even learned to give a compliment and a hug. Not just when earned but because I'm still their fatally flawed father and I do care. Four of the six have responded well to that improvement.

I likely overshared here but..... I think our kids think more of us when we are honest with them about who we are and the mistakes we make as their parent and that we as well have a grand creator to answer to who expects that from us. Admit when we run afoul instead of the practice of "doubling down on insisting the buck stops here".

My take anyway.

Donstar · February 7

My 72nd is today. It's not a milestone Birthday but it feels very special. My eldest surprised me, and my wife, by knocking on our front door Thursday with Tim Hortons coffee and donuts to share. This may not sound very special but it is when you know he lives in Texas and we live in British Columbia! We speak frequently with hm and his kids by phone and online . We didn't have a clue and this was a perfectly executed surprise! Tonight he's providing and cooking us a special steak dinner! I'm not bragging or taking credit but he definitely grew up to be a happy, loving and respectful adult!

Edited February 7 by Donstar

99silveradoz71 · February 7

2 hours ago, Donstar said:

My 72nd is today. It's not a milestone Birthday but it feels very special. My eldest surprised me, and my wife, by knocking on our front door Thursday with Tim Hortons coffee and donuts to share. This may not sound very special but it is when you know he lives in Texas and we live in British Columbia! We speak frequently with hm and his kids by phone and online . We didn't have a clue and this was a perfectly executed surprise! Tonight he's providing and cooking us a special steak dinner! I'm not bragging or taking credit but he definitely grew up to be a happy, loving and respectful adult!

Happy Birthday, and that's one heck of a well executed surprise.

Donstar · February 10

Looking in the mirror yesterday, I noticed a golf ball sized lump hanging off my left elbow. I went to the Doctor to tell me why I received this belated Birthday gift. It appears to be a common malady called Bursitis. Mine is not painful and will eventually disappear on its own. It simply looks hideous so no more short sleeves for a while! Maintaining this body reminds me of the old '64 Econoline I once owned. It looked good on the outside but difficult to maintain in optimal working condition! You don't realize how many things can need attention with a vehicle until you own one that is old and high mileage!

diyer2 · February 10

In our younger days getting up in the morning was uneventful. Now it's a medical check.

Grumpy Bear · February 10

50 minutes ago, diyer2 said:

In our younger days getting up in the morning was uneventful. Now it's a medical check.

I used to bounce out of bed. Now I try not to bounce off the floor. :crackup:

Donstar · February 11

My left knee replacement is now scheduled for tomorrow. They assure me it won't be cancelled at the last minute like my previous appointment! I think this is a polite way of telling me I'll have to get to the hospital early tomorrow but I won't find out the actual time until later today. I am happy to be having it done and not worried about the procedure. I don't care for the first couple of weeks of recovery, especially the no driving part, but I do appreciate that I have nothing to complain about!

KARNUT · February 11

3 hours ago, Donstar said:

My left knee replacement is now scheduled for tomorrow. They assure me it won't be cancelled at the last minute like my previous appointment! I think this is a polite way of telling me I'll have to get to the hospital early tomorrow but I won't find out the actual time until later today. I am happy to be having it done and not worried about the procedure. I don't care for the first couple of weeks of recovery, especially the no driving part, but I do appreciate that I have nothing to complain about!

Good luck

txab · February 11

Good luck

Donstar · February 16

My surgery went well but pain management following was poor. After two nights back home, I feel I am now in control and recovery is more as anticipated.

txab · February 16

2 hours ago, Donstar said:

My surgery went well but pain management following was poor. After two nights back home, I feel I am now in control and recovery is more as anticipated.

diyer2 · February 16

The opioid problem has changed medical pain management. I have been told by doctors that we don't control pain. My shoulder and carpal tunnel surgery was lacking in pain relief. Drugs like Fentanyl and Oxycodone are rarely given now.

diyer2 · February 16

I'm scheduled for cervical fusion on March 3rd. Fusing 4 vertebrae in my neck.

I'm still having problems with my left arm, shoulder and dexterity of my left hand after my surgery. Now they say it's my neck causing the problem.

My neck is in bad shape. 4 hours on the table and 8 screws I believe.

Edit

Post surgery pain is a big concern.

Edited February 16 by diyer2

Donstar · February 16

5 hours ago, diyer2 said:

Post surgery pain is a big concern.

I am so sorry and appreciate what you're saying. It was 24 hrs after surgery before they tried T3's. (My records show that I take these on a regular basis. They are very effective in managing my chronic pain) I am supposed to have my other knee replaced after this one heals but I will not have another recovery room experience like this one!