Joke Thread

[MaverickZ71]

Just to let you all know, I wasn't allowed to say anything until today but now I can share that I have volunteered for the new 'Bird Flu' vaccine from Pfizer developed in Russia. 

It is in six different stages and I received my first dose just yesterday at 06:20 am. 

I wanted to let you know that it is safe and I'm okay with иo side effects whatsoeveя
and that I feelski fin. покажет мою и чувствую себя хорошо так. Comrade

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Kohl's does what??!

 

[richard wysong]

diyer2 MIA? maybe on vakay? I always look forward to his posts to start my day off with a chuckle

[txab]

1 hour ago, richard wysong said:

diyer2 MIA? maybe on vakay? I always look forward to his posts to start my day off with a chuckle

He was here earlier

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

 

 

 

[MaverickZ71]

An old veteran was looking through his bag for his passport. The woman on passport control asked him, “Have you visited France before?”

 

“Yes,” replied the old man.

 

Sarcastically she responded, “Well surely you should know to have your passport ready,” to which he answered, “I didn't have to show it last time.”

 

“Impossible!!” she barked.

 

The old man looked her straight in the eye and said, "Last time, when I landed on D-Day in 1944, I couldn't find a dadgum Frenchman to give it to.”

[MaverickZ71]

Don, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar named Jill and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. 

 

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

 

Jill looked at Don and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

 

Don said, "You know what, I bet he will." Jill replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Don placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

 

Just as Jill placed her money on the bar, the guy did a Peter Pan off of the building, falling to his death. Jill was very upset and handed her $30 to Don, saying, "Fair's fair, here's your money."

 

Don replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

 

Jill replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

 

Don took her money.

[MaverickZ71]

On my way home tonight I saw a billboard that said, "Need Help? Call Jesus." 1-800-555-3500

 

Feeling kind of down about everything going on in our country, when I got home I called the number and about 30 minutes later a Mexican showed up in a tow truck.

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Trying to figure out what Purpul-Hurl is.