Joke Thread

[MaverickZ71]

My wife and I used to own a small horse ranch in Arizona.

 

One year the Arizona department of Labor claimed I was not paying proper wages to my workers and sent an agent out to interview me.

 

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

 

“Well,” I replied, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. 

 

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. 

 

Then there’s the mentally challenged guy who works about 18 hours every day and does 90 percent of all the work around here. 

 

He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board.

I buy him a bottle of Jack Daniels and a dozen Coors every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.”

 

“That’s the guy I want to talk to, the mentally challenged guy,” said the agent.

 

“That would be me,” I replied.

[KARNUT]

HA HA I can relate.

[MaverickZ71]

[The Zip]

1 hour ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Couple of reindeer short, but that looks like a KC10 R Model, Fighter Sled Version

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

 

[MaverickZ71]

I was in the kitchen pacing around with the flyswatter when my wife walked in. 
She said, "What are you doing?"
"Hunting flies," I replied.
"Oh, have you killed any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females," I answered.
Intrigued, my wife asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
I said, "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."

[Grumpy Bear]

1 hour ago, MaverickZ71 said:

 

 

Just tossed the one from my childhood away. Lead solder seams. Man, I ate allot of ice cream from that thing.  

[MaverickZ71]

Last night I had a dream I was dying, and on my death bed.

My wife was cooking a big Butterball turkey and homemade rolls for Christmas dinner, and it smelled delicious.

I told my daughter, 
"Please bring me a turkey leg 
and a roll with some butter so I could taste it one last time." 

She went to the kitchen, but then returned empty-handed a little bit later.

She whispered in my ear, 
"Mom said, "It's for the funeral."

That's how the fight started.

[customboss]

This may be my last post.

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[customboss]

We've become the Grumpy Old Men section of GM TRUCKS.   In a good way! 

[diyer2]

I don't think I'm grumpy, I don't sugar coat anything and people can't handle it.