Joke Thread

[customboss]

12 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

 

I brought receipts. 

Results from the 1944 Fighter Conference:

(1 is best)

Aren’t you a delta airlines A&P? 

[MaverickZ71]

1 hour ago, customboss said:

Aren’t you a delta airlines A&P? 

 

Nossir. Just plane crazy. Delta is cool--they repainted our CAF FG-1D Corsair last year.

[garagerog]

14 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

 

I brought receipts. 

Results from the 1944 Fighter Conference:

(1 is best)

Maverick, I defer to your expertise, but a couple of things surprise me, I'd always read that the WWII Navy pilots preferred the Hellcat simply because it was much easier to carrier land than the Corsair with it's long nose. Hence the use by Marine pilots of the Corsair from island bases. The biggest surprise to me tho was how poorly the P-38 with it's armament all in the nose scored so poorly in strafing. I can only surmise from this that no matter how good the P-38 pilot was, the majority of them were no Charles Yeager country boy dead-eyes and needed a shotgun when a .22 would suffice. 

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[customboss]

On 12/4/2024 at 8:59 AM, The Zip said:

That 1984 shot looks like an F15 Eagle, being retired Air Force my ears perk up when I see military aircraft.  Worked around so many war birds I could name the plane by sound.  If that's a F15 Eagle, it wasn't capable of landing on an aircraft carrier, no tailhook on the rearend for starters.

Israel showed the 'power' of F-35s in destroying nearly all of Iran's air defenses without a loss, UK admiral says

 

 

[customboss]

Just now, customboss said:

 

Israel showed the 'power' of F-35s in destroying nearly all of Iran's air defenses without a loss, UK admiral says

 

 

Power of VIFF. Vectoring in forward flight. Even modern AA missiles CURRENTLY CANT do that. A pilots dream in engagements. 

[MaverickZ71]

A teacher asked her students if any of them had pets.

One little kid replied,

“Yes I have a pet cat and this morning before I left for school I put some lighter fuel in his water bowl. The cat raced up the stairs, jumped over the beds, ran down again, across the living room to the curtains, climbed up to the top and then fell down onto the floor. Then the cat just laid there motionless”.

“OMG”, exclaimed the teacher, “was your pet cat dead”?

“No” said the kid,

“He just ran out of gas!"

Edited December 6, 2024 by MaverickZ71

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

My wife and I were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman came over to our table, gave me a big open-mouthed kiss, then said, I'll see you later and walked away. 

My wife glared at me and said, "Who in the hell was that?"

"Oh," I replied, "She's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," she said. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," I replied, "But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage, and no more yacht club. Not only that, but no more diamonds, no more credit cards, and a large bank account."

"But, the decision is all yours." I said. 

Just then, a mutual friend of ours entered the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jason?" asked my wife.

"That's his mistress," I said.

My wife said, "Ours is prettier!"

[MaverickZ71]

An Indian wanted a loan for $500.  

 

The banker pulled out the loan application. "What are you going to do with the money?" he asked the Indian.

 

"Buy Silver, make jewelry, and sell it," was the response.

"What have you got for collateral?"

 

"Don't know collateral," replied the Indian.

 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. 

 

"Have you got any vehicles?"

 

"Yes. 1949 chevy pickup," replied the Indian.

 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

 

"Yes, I have a horse," replied the Indian

 

"How old is it?" the banker asked.

"Don't know, has no teeth," replied the Indian.

 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

 

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank.  

 

He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said.  

 

He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.

 

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" the banker asked.

 

"Put in moccasin,” replied the Indian.

 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," the banker asked.

 

"Don't know deposit," replied the Indian.

 

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you.  

 

Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it."

 

The old Indian leaned across the desk and asked the banker...

"What you got for collateral?"

[Grumpy Bear]

On 12/8/2024 at 3:08 PM, MaverickZ71 said:

An Indian wanted a loan for $500.  

 

The banker pulled out the loan application. "What are you going to do with the money?" he asked the Indian.

 

"Buy Silver, make jewelry, and sell it," was the response.

"What have you got for collateral?"

 

"Don't know collateral," replied the Indian.

 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. 

 

"Have you got any vehicles?"

 

"Yes. 1949 chevy pickup," replied the Indian.

 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

 

"Yes, I have a horse," replied the Indian

 

"How old is it?" the banker asked.

"Don't know, has no teeth," replied the Indian.

 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

 

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank.  

 

He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said.  

 

He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.

 

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" the banker asked.

 

"Put in moccasin,” replied the Indian.

 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," the banker asked.

 

"Don't know deposit," replied the Indian.

 

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you.  

 

Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it."

 

The old Indian leaned across the desk and asked the banker...

"What you got for collateral?"

 

Amen. 

[customboss]

[customboss]

 

Amsoil solution to the always missing 10 mm socket. 
Thanks Nick! 

[diyer2]