Joke Thread

[customboss]

On 8/21/2024 at 9:29 PM, MaverickZ71 said:

Size matters of George's WALLET 

[MaverickZ71]

Earlier this morning my wife asked, "Can you please go to the store and buy a carton of milk and if they have eggs, get six. 

 

I did as she asked, I returned home a short while later with six cartons of milk.

 

She said, "Why in the hell did you buy six cartons of milk? 

 

I said, "They had eggs."

 

Now I'm in trouble.

[MaverickZ71]

[Silverado4x4]

Pink Floyd

[MaverickZ71]

An explosion last week killed a wild-living navy boiler man, and he found himself in hell... 

Being used to stoking fires, and extremely hot temperatures, he found hell actually quite comfortable.

When Satan went to check out the new arrival, he found him sitting in his room smiling... 

"You like this?" Satan asked.

"Yes sir," said the sailor, "this feels like a spring day to me."

Not wanting the new guy to be too comfortable, Satan turned up the heat a bit.

When he went back the next day to see how his new arrival was doing, the sailor was still happy... 

He hadn't even broken a sweat!

"I like this kind of weather," he told Satan.

For the next few days, Satan turned up the heat more and more, but each day the Sailor looked as comfortable as ever.

By Sunday, Satan decided to try something different... 

Rather than turn up the heat even more, he turned it off, and turned on the air conditioning.

Icicles formed in the sailor's room!

When he checked on the guy, the room was icy and he was shivering, but he had a grin from ear to ear, bigger than ever!

Satan was exasperated!

"Why are YOU so happy?" he demanded from the sailor.

"It's FREEZING in here!"

"Well, I'm from Dallas" said the sailor... 

"And evidently the Cowboys just won the Super Bowl!"

[MaverickZ71]

I recently visited the Canary Islands.

Turns out, there are no canaries on the Canary Islands.

Same as with the Virgin Islands.

No canaries there either.

Edited August 25, 2024 by MaverickZ71

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Supposedly done at Walmart. How is it even possible?

 

[MaverickZ71]

Last night around bedtime my wife's phone rang.

I answered it, then said, "I believe you have the wrong number. You'll need to call the weather number for that information."

My wife said, "Who was that?"
I said, "Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."

[MaverickZ71]

 

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Especially with the headlight dimmer switch on the floor below the emergency brake. 

 

[MaverickZ71]

Only driven to church on Sunday by a Nun.  Honest!

 

[Grumpy Bear]

54 minutes ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Especially with the headlight dimmer switch on the floor below the emergency brake. 

 

 

If it's on the tree it's where I started  

[MaverickZ71]

3 hours ago, Grumpy Bear said:

 

If it's on the tree it's where I started  

They had trees back then?